how ti find good parence for Private adoption and commutation how does that work? Is it safe or just stupid?
I am just wondering i have heard about people doing this b4 .How do u find the parents who want to adopt? how much do people usual pay ?is this safe?
i went to consider abortion but by that time it was already to late i am now 5 months and just very unsure as to what i should do
Private Adoption is not safe and being paid for your baby is illegal. It is baby selling.
There are no guarantees in any kind of adoption. If there is no way that you can parent your child, kinship care by family is the safest route. Any other adoption by strangers, even through an agency, is a huge gamble. There is no guarantee that your child will be in a safe, loving home. Even adoptive parents call so-called "home studies" a joke.
Before you consider adoption, you should read about it from the point of view of those who have lost their children to Adoption:
"What you should KNOW if you’re considering adoption for your baby"
http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index.php?id=1
Things about adoption that an agency will never tell you (agencies lie!):
http://www.keepyourbaby.com/index.html
Not at all safe – if you want your child to grow up in safety, then the only way you can hope to ensure that is by raising them yourself. There have been too many children abandoned to adoption in the hopes of giving them a good life that’ve ended up being badly abused!
EITHER PARENT OR ABORT!
DO NOT ABANDON YOUR CHILD TO ADOPTION!
Seriously.
If you know you don’t want it now, then get an abortion before it’s too late, because if you abandon it, you’re screwing it up for life – and probably yourself too.
If you don’t want to abort, then please do not allow anyone pressure you into abandoning it.
Also, don’t listen to anyone suggesting that open adoption is the way to go – it is almost never legally enforceable! Many parents have lost access to their children due to "open" adoption promises. Please read http://lifemothers.com/thewall.html and http://www.bringperihome.com/history.html before listening to the hype.
I was abandoned to adoption at 7mths old. I didn’t have a bad adoption – my afamily are the best I could ever have chosen… but if I’d been able to choose, and I’d known then what I know now, I’d've chosen to be aborted before birth instead, ’cause at least that way the lifetime of agony I’ve gone through would’ve been over in minutes, instead of the decades that I’ve been suffering for now.
I’ve been in reunion with my bfam for a few months now, and even that’s proving to be completely agonising.
Taken from Nancy Verrier’s book, Coming Home to Self: http://www.nancyverrier.com/self_book.php
For the adoptee every day is a challenge of trying to figure out how to be, although he probably doesn’t understand the difficulty this presents for him. It has been true his whole life and, therefore, feels normal. However, it takes a great deal of energy and concentration. And it never feels quite right. He never quite fits. Therefore he feels as if /he/ is never quite right.
(pg 50)
Abandonment and neglect are reported to be the two most devastating experiences that children endure – even more devastating then sexual or physical abuse. That’s why some neglected children do naughty things to get attention. Even though the attention is hurtful – being yelled at, hit, or otherwise harmed – it is better than neglect. /Anything/ is better than abandonment. Abandonment is a child’s greatest fear. For adoptees, it is also reality, embedded in their implicit and unintegrated memory.
(pg 102)
It is sometimes difficult to spot grief in children. After all, it isn’t as if the child sits in a puddle of tears his entire childhood. As one adoptee said, "Of course I played, laughed, sang. Do people think that if you’re not sitting in a corner with your head on your knees, you are not sad? I had happy times, but the sadness was always there, even when I was having fun."
(pg 117)
Please, if you’re not gonna abort your baby, then make damn sure you parent it.
Go read http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2009/03/breaking-silence-on-living-pro-lifers.html – it’s by someone who made both choices at different times in her life.
You may find some of the books and links listed over at http://7rin-on-adoption.dreamwidth.org/747.html useful.
Good luck.
References :
Abandoned early 1973. Reunited late 2009.
Adoption is a great idea but going through with 9 months of pregnancy, to labor and birth a baby just to hand it away that takes strength I don’t think many of us have. Also some adoptions don’t turn out to be the blessings that we think they should be.
My families story with adoption and how it ruined several lives . . . .
I have a sister-in-law who was the product of my mother-in-law getting date raped when she was 16. She was adopted out through a church; my mother-in-law thought she had done the right thing by not getting an abortion. Sixteen yrs later her daughter had run away to Mexico (we live in Tx, it’s not far) with a boyfriend to flee her sexually abusive adopted-father. Not only was this child abused but this set her up to make very poor decisions concerning her future (abuse stunts your emotional growth as a human); she feel into drugs and had three children. Her children have been taken away from her because of the abuse she lets her boyfriends perpetrate on them. Her son has just been remanded to the foster system because he killed the household cat; he was just too dangerous to around the other children. My sister-in-law has suffered because of adoption and added to that her children are suffering now because she cannot be a good mother. Generations of suffering and pain because the church convinced my mother-in-law that she shouldn’t get the abortion even though she had been brutally raped by her boyfriend.
ADOPTION ISN’T ALWAYS THE BEST ANSWER
But I am pro-choice, so it’s most definitely up to you. Choose wisely.
~Pro-Choice Momma; Have had an abortion <no regrets> and I have a 13 month old daughter <no regrets>. I believe in protecting my daughter’s choice.
Abortion: There is a Consensus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsSQiazUvgo
Ps – Safe? Safe for whom? For you? No, it may come with emotional drama for you that can last yrs and for the child that depends entirely upon the adoptive parents.
But then again my sister-in-law’s adoptive parents were great to her until she hit puberty and her adoptive father stopped looking at her like she was his little girl and starting sexually abusing her.
My point is adoption is a complete gamble, your kid may luck out but most likely not.
Good luck.
EDIT – I don’t know if aboriton is still an option for you but it is normally legal up to 24 weeks depending where you are. If you need info on aboriton, my email is always open.
Sorry I cannot help you with the adoption bit but I wouldn’t know where to send you and despite being pro-choice, I have to admit my own family’s experience with adoption has turned me off of it.
But if you think adoption would be best that’s your choice. FYI, open adoption is not legally enforceable in the US, don’t fall into the ‘ponzi’ scheme unless you are absolutely sure the adoptive parents won’t f’ck you over by moving across the country (I have heard of crazier stuff).
I sincerely wish you good luck.
EDIT – I know all adoptions aren’t bad. You got a thumbs up from me Proud AP!
References :
Private adoption is not safe and being paid for your baby is illegal. It is baby selling.
There are no guarantees in any kind of adoption. If there is no way that you can parent your child, kinship care by family is the safest route. Any other adoption by strangers, even through an agency, is a huge gamble. There is no guarantee that your child will be in a safe, loving home. Even adoptive parents call so-called "home studies" a joke.
Before you consider adoption, you should read about it from the point of view of those who have lost their children to adoption:
"What you should KNOW if you’re considering adoption for your baby"
http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index.php?id=1
Things about adoption that an agency will never tell you (agencies lie!):
http://www.keepyourbaby.com/index.html
References :
Open Adoption = Open Lies
Adoption hurts like hell. Start talking to your own family members and the father family members. see if anyone is interested in keeping this baby within his/her own family.
References :
Each and every situation is different. I am adoptive mom and my husband and I had to go through rigourous background check both stae and federal, subject our whole life : marriage, family,, sex life to a social worker and have a homestudy approved before we could ever be considered to becoming adoptive parents. I don’t regret doing any of it. I know that we were going to have to go through all of it…but I say that to say that alot of nut jobs that may have previously been allowed to adopt in the past aren’t approved.
Our adopton situation was different. Our son’s birthmom was going to have to place the baby no matter what…she could of let CPS take hiim or she could choose the adoptive parents and have regular letters/pictures/communication with him once he was a little older. We have a semi-open adotion that she wanted (we would have wanted open) b/c she has stated that she’s not stable and doesn’t want to harm him.
Is adoption safe…I am going to say about 99% of them are. The 1% are the ones that we all hear about. We never hear about th adoptin success stories. And no it’s not stupid. Many ppl make this decision and you have to go with what you think is right for you an your child…I don’t think anyone has the right to tell you what to do…or tell you what not to do for that matter…If you are considering adoption I suggest getting in touch with a local agency and JUST TALK to them…that doesn’t mean that you are going to go through the adoption you are just geting educated as to what you choices are.
Just a side note…no Adoptive parents would want a child if their birthfamily didn’t want the adoption too. We all want what is best for the child…jmho.
References :
Adoptive mom and adotpion advocate!