What do you feel are the main aspects of good parenting?
please list the main aspects of Good Parenting and please be specific. In other words what are the most important things needed to raise a well adjusted, confident, respectful, responsible, caring, and independent person who generally makes good choices and has a desire to do good things in life?
Do you feel which choice of punishment is the deciding factor or is that just something people say to stress their desired choice of punishment? Do you think as long as there is consistent, effective discipline then that is what counts or do you strongly feel that there is one type of punishment that without it a child would grow up terrible regardless of any other Parenting aspects?
The reason I asked this is because I am shocked at the number of people on here who seem to believe that if you don’t spank your child will be a brat. Then there are always about 10-15 people who agree and say people who don’t are "pansies", lazy and will have children that are brats. SO it astonishes me that so many people actually think spanking is going to make or break a child. As if nothing else matters, if you don’t spank, you’re doomed LOL
I know so many children who ARE spanked that are terrible brats who go out of their way to act up. I also know my own 4 boys have never been spanked and are all well behaved. I just wonder what leads people to this conclusion that spanking is so necessary and I wanted to see if people rerally feel that way or if it’s just what people to say to stress their view on it.
No, choice of punishment is not the deciding factor.
I would say that the ideal parent is authoritative, loving, a good communicator, and has a positive (pleasant, humorous, loving) attitude. S/he also must teach life skills (including health, organization, and good manners), and encourage curiosity and hard work, leading the child to take education seriously and thus develop a strong intellect and eventually, the skills and qualifications needed for a successful career.
In terms of discipline, I think it is important to look one level above what the exact punishment is. Parents who use violence teach, "Violence solves problems." Parents who use isolation (whether time out, room confinement, or something similar) teach, "People who behave badly can’t receive the benefits of being in the group." I’d rather teach the latter. Likewise, classic "deal with the consequences" punishments teach good lessons, as well. For example, my cousin once did something crazy to his hair, and his parents didn’t pay to have a hairdresser fix it. He had to pay for it, himself, or let it grow out. Different parents may have their own ways of teaching these important lessons, but the important thing is that they be taught, without humiliation or confusing inconsistency.
Parents cannot be solely responsible for the way their child turns out, there are so many other factors in life which are going to have their effect on the child. (School, friends, community)
I don’t think there are any "set ways" to go about things as you can never predict what’s going to happen and what problem you’re going to be faced with as each one of us are different. You just have to do the best job you can, who can ask for more than that?!
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No, choice of punishment is not the deciding factor.
I would say that the ideal parent is authoritative, loving, a good communicator, and has a positive (pleasant, humorous, loving) attitude. S/he also must teach life skills (including health, organization, and good manners), and encourage curiosity and hard work, leading the child to take education seriously and thus develop a strong intellect and eventually, the skills and qualifications needed for a successful career.
In terms of discipline, I think it is important to look one level above what the exact punishment is. Parents who use violence teach, "Violence solves problems." Parents who use isolation (whether time out, room confinement, or something similar) teach, "People who behave badly can’t receive the benefits of being in the group." I’d rather teach the latter. Likewise, classic "deal with the consequences" punishments teach good lessons, as well. For example, my cousin once did something crazy to his hair, and his parents didn’t pay to have a hairdresser fix it. He had to pay for it, himself, or let it grow out. Different parents may have their own ways of teaching these important lessons, but the important thing is that they be taught, without humiliation or confusing inconsistency.
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The most important things needed to raise a child with those qualities are parents that are also well adjusted, confident, respectful, responsible and caring. Kids need expectations as far as behavior is concerned and they need rules. They need parents that are actively involved in their lives. Discipline alone is not enough and no, I don’t think there is any one type of punishment that kids need, though I do believe there are plenty of types they DON’T need.
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Mom to 5 boys
I think that one of the key aspects of raising a well adjusted, confident, respectful, responsible, caring, and independent person is to do everything possible to help the child feel like we love them regardless of what they do. If our children feel like and know that we still love them and enjoy them and care about them even when they mess up, they’re going to be able to learn to work towards those higher ideals rather than just trying to secure our love. This isn’t about what we as parents think we’re showing our kids, though. Most parents will say that they love their children unconditionally, but the focus is on whether our kids feel that. Sometimes we can say that we’re loving them regardless but they feel like we don’t, and that’s the tricky part.
As far as choice of punishment, (I know I’m going to be flamed for this) I believe that no punishment is particularly effective. Punishments are silly battles that parents want to engage in to try and win against their children, and that’s not how kids learn to behave towards a higher standard. Appropriate discipline, tailored for the specific issues at hand, can be a great tool to teach "this isn’t okay" while still helping our kids feel like we love them even when we screw up. It’s hard to teach a child "do the right things for the right reasons" when we spend all day telling our kids "behave or I’ll do something bad to you". Removing that can open up opportunities for real learning.
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For me, I think a good parent should be able to make parenting decisions based on their own research not because, ‘my parents did it and I’m fine’. I also think a good parent recognises the varying needs of different children and treats them as individuals, there is no ‘one size fits all’ method of parenting. I believe a parent should be able to recognise when they made mistakes, and learn from them – and also that they should apologise to their children for mistakes. Too many parents won’t out of pride. They should be supportive and encouraging without being pushy, allow a level of freedom without being uncaring and reckless, and they should lead by example. As parents, I believe we should teach our children with the respect we expect from them.
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Love always comes first
Understanding
Patience
Good Discipline (Whatever gets result for you and your child whether is be smacking, naughty step etc)
Being a good listener
Being emotionally accessible
The plain fact is that there is no rule book to parenting. All anyone can ask is that you do you best and if your kids grow up to be well adjusted members of society with happy childhood memories you’ve done you job. There are of course exceptions to the rules. Children that turn out to be bad adults even following being well brought up and there and children that turn out to be amazing adults and have had crappy lives. You can only do your best.
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