why are so many young girls talked into Open Adoption by the social workers when they know full well that the people who are adopting the child will probably close the adoption when it becomes final why are they lied to why are these young girl hurt why do social workers lie it can’t all be about
the money that they make don’t these people have a heart or a conscience and social workers are not the only one that do this to unsuspecting young girl the adoption agency’s will do anything in their
power to get that baby no matter what they have to do or say and they will never tell the mother of the life long affect of what losing a child does to the mother and child

I don’t believe they are aware that there’s a strong possibility that the adoption might close.

Often these aren’t social workers anymore either – so many adoptions these days are private and the mothers don’ t even get any kind of counseling to make them aware of the long term affects. Adopters sometimes get attorneys who are the ones who now benefit financially and of course they’re not going to try to scare off the manufacturer of the product – (mother)

I’m not defending open Adoption or any adoption, but I have met lots of young mothers who do try to educate themselves and still choose open adoption. For many years I co-facilitated adoption support groups. We always had a few agencies that suggested that the pregnant young women come to our meetings and speak to first mothers to hear about our experience before making a decision to place their child. Every single mother and some of the adoptees always told them "don’t do it you will regret" – but, some changed their minds and some didn’t.

And by the way, they don’t ALL close. That’s why even though I am opposed, I do believe in a woman’s right to choose and if she makes a conscious choice to place a child for adoption; that has to be respected.

We repeatedly hear questions on this board from one side of the triad or the other about people not maintaining or even exploiting the concept/promises of "open" adoption – APs promising contact and then shutting out the FPs, FPs not responding to invitations, correspondance or requests, one party or another using the situation for personal gain, etc.

My question is, if agencies are supposed to be "matching" people (or providing profiles of the of the other possible party for "choices" based on minimal "preference" questions) why is this such a frequent problem?

I think it is partly due to the fact that these agencies make their "matches" on superficial things like ethnicity, education levels, etc. rather than on any sort of personality based method. I wonder if there would be more successful "open" adoptions if these "matches" were based more on something like personality or psychological testing.

I also wonder if agencies were more active in encouraging "bonding" between families if the "success" rates would improve.

BTW, I am AGAINST "pre-birth matching" in general, I was just pondering this issue due to some of today’s Qs and was wondering what other people’s thoughts and experiences were on/with the subject.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
To clarify, I am asking what you think are possible causes for the low "success rate" of "open" adoptions (meaning adoptions where on going contact is promised) when agencies are supposedly "matching" people who intend on having a long term relationship.

I DO NOT mean that the things that people are currently "matched" on are not necessary considerations. I am saying that I think a DEEPER look at compatibility should be made. If dating services and employers can make the effort, why can’t, shouldn’t Adoption Agencies?

NOR am I saying that it would give any guarantees. I am WELL aware people LIE about things and circumstances change (as I have mentioned here often). I am trying to gather ideas for ways of possibly IMPROVING the system.

Thanks.
Loserguurl:
"WHY is this about PAP’s keeping the adoption open ONLY? There are plenty-*MANY*-situations where the natural parents just disappear."

Where did I say ANY of that? I asked about agency responsibility – NOT the FPs OR APs. Please RE-READ the question.
Thank to the people who actually read and answered the question!

I’m gathering that most people feel public agencies handle the "matching" process better than private agencies. I agree – although it is more about the kids being matched than the two sets parents. (As it should be – especially with older children!) Why is this level of care not expected from private agencies? Considering the fees involved…they can certainly afford it. If adoption is supposed to be in the best interest of a child is it not in their best interest to be placed in the best and most copacetic situation regarding all their parents? (I am not talking about TPR situations.)
Thank to the people who actually read and answered the question!

I’m gathering that most people feel public agencies handle the "matching" process better than private agencies. I agree – although it is more about the kids being matched than the two sets parents. (As it should be – especially with older children!) Why is this level of care not expected from private agencies? Considering the fees involved…they can certainly afford it. If adoption is supposed to be in the best interest of a child is it not in their best interest to be placed in the best and most copacetic situation regarding all their parents? (I am not talking about TPR situations.)

Holy shit! Adoption agencies just give children away to the highest bidder, unless it is from foster care where they give them away to anyone who qualifies on there standards.

My friend was an adoption agency baby, the kind people pay 30,000 for. So, she got these parents who do not care about her at all. They just use her for show and so their friends will think they are saints. She ran away four times since these people are terrible and went into foster care because she proved that they were incompetent and just got adopted last year at the age of 11.

I was given old parents, which isn’t that bad, but they don’t understand me. They believe I invent my life and that everything is fake. They are those old people who believe tampons take away your virginity. OMG! They believe that I cause my bullying issues at school, and believe me I try to run away from it. They love me though, they are happy when I succeed and they only want the best for me, so I got a pretty good match.

I think Open Adoption should be enforced. They do terrible matching at all agencies. Who to give the baby too, which parents go together.

My parents tend to talk trash against my bio mom. Which never seeks to amaze me. Plus it was one of those out of state adoption things where they never got to meet them. Apparently I have received two letters since I was born, but then she dropped all contact and my mom can’t find her. Yeah right! What a load of BS.

For parent to parent matching, why don’t they simply just find two people who share an effing interest, not monetary status or a friggin education level. I mean seriously people!

-Tempe

A family member went through the process of an Open Adoption last year. The stipulations in the contracts were that she would get to see the child once every three months (planned at the convenience of the adoptive parents), that the adoptive parents would send a monthly letter detailing how her child was doing, and that should the adoptive parents move, they notify her of the change in address.
The adoptive parents made the first two "visitations" and then could not be reached after that. Further, the letters to her every month began drying up at around the same time when her child was six months old. She recently drove past their home and found that they had moved without informing her.
She called the attorney the adoption agency gave to her case and the attorney said that "Open Adoptions" are actually just guidelines and that the adoptive parents don’t really have to follow the stipulations within them.
Should she find another attorney or is that true?
Nice. So my cousin was basically screwed and a HUGE group of people LIED to her. And she’s just supposed to bend over and take it? Such a nice attitude, no wonder birth parents aren’t respected that much. And from a "christian" adoption agency too.
This isn’t the right way to go about this and I highly doubt that YOU could just "go on with your life" after your child is ripped from your arms and then the promises made to you were not kept.
And the child would not have known that my cousin was his birth mother because the adoptive parents and her had already agreed that she could be known as an aunt when her son got older.
She felt forced into this by her own immediate family (if she had come to me things would have been much, MUCH different). And then the Adoption agency and this couple swooped in like vultures while she was vulnerable.
She’s living with me now and we will find this couple. What she does when we do is up to her.

I’m so sorry for your family member. This happens in many cases.

Adoption contracts are enforceable by law, but the ongoing visitation is not in many states. This link below

http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/cooperativeall.pdf

shows a state by state summary of laws regarding the enforceability of ongoing visitation as of 2005. I don’t know what state your friend is in or what state the contract was signed in – that plays a large part too. Sometimes Adoption Agencies will have the contract signed in a state that purposely does not enforce ongoing contact simply so that the adoptive parents at any point can feel free to cut off contact without legal ramifications.

Your relative may wish to consult with a local first parent’s group in her state to see from them if what the lawyer said was correct. Unfortunately it probably was, but she needs to at least try.

She can check the Concerned United Birthparent’s website at

http://www.cubirthparents.org/

to see if there is a local chapter. If there isn’t, the contact names of the board are on that site, and they can probably direct her to a resource in her area.

I’m so sorry.

I’m pregnant and strongly considering giving up my baby for adoption. I want to find an adoption agency that does Open Adoptions, but isn’t religiously affiliated and doesn’t mention God in the mission statement. I want something with an attitude similar to OA&FS(openadopt.org)–is there a similar (respectable) adoption agency in the Kentuckiana area?
Is it really so hard to butt out if you can’t offer any helpful advice? I’m not asking if I should keep the child, just for agencies in the area that are completely secular. I’ve already contacted Planned Parenthood and they only had pamphlets on religiously affiliated agencies.

You can contact social services in KY. They also assist with voluntary adoptions, though you don’t hear much about it. I honestly didn’t know they did it until we attended our training a couple weeks ago. Social services doesn’t consider race, ethnicity, religion, etc when working placements. They try to remain as unbiased as possible while searching for the best match for the child.

I have noticed that most agencies in my area are religious organizations, and most of those are Christian agencies. A good Adoption attorney could also point you in the right direction.

I’m trying to find information on an adoption that took place in Crescent City California in 1948 or 1949 mother maiden name was Roberta Hamilton that gave birth to a baby boy and had an Open Adoption through a Catholic adoption agency and the adopting parents took the baby to Modesto california and the mother never found him, trying to find him and connect him to his siblings

Adopted adults age 18 or older and parents who have surrendered an adopted adult may register. Siblings age 21 or older may register to meet a sibling 21 or older who was adopted. ( registry fee’s change periodically and both parties must register for contact to be made )
Contact:
California Department of Social Services
Adoption Branch
744 P Street, MS 3-31
Sacramento, CA 95814
http://www.childsworld.ca.gov

One of the largest and most successful registry is http://www.isrr.net/
Also http://registry.adoption.com/ and
http://gsAdoptionregistry.com/

My husband and I are looking to adopt. We’ve considered doing Semi Open Adoption and will cover all medical costs and legal costs, doing a private family adoption or going through an adoption agency. We’re really nervous about using an agency as we have a couple of friends who were "ripped" off. Never actually got to meet the child they were told they were adopting and paid nearly $20,000. We don’t want this to happen to us. Know of any agencies that are trustworthy?
For the First Comment person -
Let me also explain that yes – they were ripped off. The received pictures of a child that probably wasn’t even up for Adoption. The agency wasn’t actually an agency. It was all a scam. I’m sure they would have been sad but would have completely understood if the child’s parent had been able to keep her.
Also – I did NOT say that this was out of country or that I was looking for something out of the country.
Please keep judging negitive comments to yourself. Keep in mind that some people are just out for money.

Firstly, paying someone elses expenses is a form of coercion and should be illegal IMO (actually it IS illegal in many civilized nations)

Most agencies will tell you that you are not guaranteed a baby in return for your $20,000

Can’t recommend honest agencies, because I don’t believe they exist. Its a self-regulating industry where infants are a commodity; quite nauseating.

It doesn’t cost money to adopt a child who really needs one.

My husband and I are looking to adopt. We’ve considered doing Semi Open Adoption and will cover all medical costs and legal costs, doing a private family adoption or going through an Adoption agency. We’re really nervous about using an agency as we have a couple of friends who were "ripped" off. Never actually got to meet the child they were told they were adopting and paid nearly $20,000. We don’t want this to happen to us. Know of any agencies that are trustworthy?
For the First Comment person -
Let me also explain that yes – they were ripped off. The received pictures of a child that probably wasn’t even up for adoption. The agency wasn’t actually an agency. It was all a scam. I’m sure they would have been sad but would have completely understood if the child’s parent had been able to keep her.
Also – I did NOT say that this was out of country or that I was looking for something out of the country.
Please keep judging negitive comments to yourself. Keep in mind that some people are just out for money.

Firstly, paying someone elses expenses is a form of coercion and should be illegal IMO (actually it IS illegal in many civilized nations)

Most agencies will tell you that you are not guaranteed a baby in return for your $20,000

Can’t recommend honest agencies, because I don’t believe they exist. Its a self-regulating industry where infants are a commodity; quite nauseating.

It doesn’t cost money to adopt a child who really needs one.

My husband and I would like to adopt. We both have children from previous relationships but for some reason together we can not create a child. We’ve tried for two yrs without luck. We’ve given Adoption a long hard look and realize that , we want to adopt. We have not decided whether we want to pursue an open or closed process.

Any and all advice / info from adoptive parents will be grateful

I’m so sorry that you and your husband have been unable to conceive. Please consider adopting (or seek permanent placement) of children from your state’s foster system. There are so many children who don’t have homes and/or parents/families, but have so much love to give.

My husband and I would like to adopt. We both have children from previous relationships but for some reason together we can not create a child. We’ve tried for two yrs without luck. We’ve given Adoption a long hard look and realize that , we want to adopt. We have not decided whether we want to pursue an open or closed process.

Any and all advice / info from adoptive parents will be grateful

I’m so sorry that you and your husband have been unable to conceive. Please consider adopting (or seek permanent placement) of children from your state’s foster system. There are so many children who don’t have homes and/or parents/families, but have so much love to give.

My husband and I would like to adopt. We both have children from previous relationships but for some reason together we can not create a child. We’ve tried for two yrs without luck. We’ve given Adoption a long hard look and realize that , we want to adopt. We have not decided whether we want to pursue an open or closed process.

Any and all advice / info from adoptive parents will be grateful

I’m so sorry that you and your husband have been unable to conceive. Please consider adopting (or seek permanent placement) of children from your state’s foster system. There are so many children who don’t have homes and/or parents/families, but have so much love to give.