My husband and I would like to adopt. We are foster parents and really want to adopt through the state. However, we would also like to adopt an infant. Of course, adoption is expensive. We can afford to care for our child/children, but we don’t have 20,000+ sitting around. Many people fundraise to make up for the difference, but many people I have discussed this with have not been very supportive of the idea. Do they think it is rude? (I am making items to sell and that type of thing. I don’t just expect people to give us money so we can adopt.)

Any thoughts? Also, has anyone else tried to fundraise for adoption?
Thanks for all the feedback so far. I’d love to hear more! By the way, I would never use the money for something else (as some mentioned in thier answer) although I am sure that people have done that in the past and are undoubtedly doing now. If we would end up not being able to adopt, for whatever reason, I would donate the money to an organization that provides grants to other families! I’m not expecting a surplus of money, but if there happens to be one, that is what I am going to do with it.

My wife and I made the decision when we got married that we would only expand our family through Adoption. In 2004 we completed a Chinese adoption. We’re now over halfway through our 2nd Chinese adoption. The first time we did not do a lot of fundraising. This second time we have.

Here’s my advice.

First, be sure you want to face the public eye. I used any time I went out with my rubber ducks (yes, I purchased rubber duckies to sell as Duckies for Jenny) as an opportunity to talk to people about adopting as an option. I never hid the fact that I was pursuing a foreign adoption. This resulted in some resentment. I’ve endured a lot… "why adopt some foreign kid when there are plenty over here?" ((truth of the matter, our system favors younger parents.)) "adopting from China only encourages them to treat their girls with disrespect." ((their problem is centuries in the making; it was a cultural decision. Just the opposite occurs in India)) to probably the worst, being spit upon.

Because I took the effort to educate, I think our future daughter has made a big difference. Other families are considering it. Some families have begun collecting rubber ducks as a family building excercise. But, most of all, it has made me even more convicted in my belief that adoption is more than option, it should be held up as the first and foremost option. No child has to be raised without parents.

I’ve heard and seen a lot of different fund raising. Some people have asked for donations for an auction or big garage sale. Some people have asked for assistance from church groups. There’s no limit as to how you can do this.

However, as I said before. If you do it, make sure you are committed in your beliefs about adoption. After a woman spit on me for adopting a little orphan from China, it took me a few months to find the courage to go back out into public.

I had moments where I had to talk to people who were adopted domestically as to why I was doing so internationally. First, it was my age. Second, the Chinese have a system set up where an adoption is not a money pit. Third, I came to understand Chinese culture to the point where I could effectively tell people what would have happened to my little Wei-Wei if I hadn’t adopted her. By the age of seven the state would have chosen her profession. She wouldn’t have had the schooling most kids get. She wouldn’t be able to get married as she had no family and no dowry. She would basically be a second class citizen just because her parents went ahead and gave birth to her instead of having her killed during the pregnancy. They can usually argue with me all they want, but when my little daughter comes up to them and talks to them, they realize we made a big impact in a little girl’s life.

Good luck to you.

Inspired by this craigslist posting (http://orlando.craigslist.org/kid/1397625025.html) I went out to find if a mother could have a non-infant child adopted out without having it taken away by DCF/CPS, etc. I know that a birth mother adopting out her newborn child is quite common, but you don’t often hear about a mother adopting out an older child of her own free will – you often hear about older children being taken away by the state, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I did a little Googling but I can’t seem to come up with anything. Could someone please provide me with some resources about this? As well, if this is possible, does it happen like a true adoption as in the case of infants, or is the only possibility that the child be placed in the foster care system? I don’t have any children of my own, this is mere curiosity, but I’d rather much like to know for knowledge’s sake. Thank you.

Yes, an older child can be placed for Adoption with a private adoptive agency. Some agencies might only work with babies so the mother would need to contact several agencies and find one she likes.

I have a close friend that recently adopted an 8 year old boy through a private agency. It is a rather unique and sad situation though. The biological mother is terminally ill and there is no other family or close friends to take the child in. So the mother contacted an adoption agency and picked my friend herself. They are transitioning the child – he lives with my friend and is legally adopted but still has regular contact with his bio mom. I think this is incredibly selfless of the bio mom – she found a good home for her son and is helping him with the transition. He understands his bio mom is dying and is bonding well with his adoptive mom (recently started calling her mom too). But his birth mom will always be honored and remembered in the home.

Other than a situation like this I can’t imagine why someone would want to give up a child they’ve raised a significant amount of time. I hope they care enough to be involved and help transition the child into the new home.

Let’s say I get pregnant, and decide to give the infant up for adoption. What process would I have to go through? Is it easy?

And what happens if I can’t find a family willing to adopt? Do I have to keep the child until I do find someone, or are there orphanages/foster homes willing to take it immediately after birth?

I’m not pregnant or anything, I’m just curious about how the whole process works.
Also, I need info about the likelihood of an infant getting adopted right away. Does the baby wait a long time before a family adopts, or are babies almost always adopted right away? I know children and teenagers aren’t in demand, and are usually in foster care until reaching adulthood. Is this the same for infants?

Again, I would appreciate good sources on this one. ^_^
Kristizzle:

Again, I am not pregnant and if I were I would not choose adoption. I am not asking about the emotional aspects of adoption. I am asking about the process and the likelihood of an infant getting adopted right away.
Please, leave your irrelevant and emotional bullshit at the door. Let me repeat myself:

I AM NOT PREGNANT! IF I WERE PREGNANT, I WOULD NOT GIVE IT UP FOR ADOPTION!

The questions are in my first post. If you don’t know the answer, then don’t post. I don’t care about your personal opinion on Adoption. If I did, I would ask, "HEY GAIZ WUTZ UR OPINION ON ADOPTION?!LOL11"

Thank you. Now please edit your posts before they get reported.

There are no orphanages first of all – there’s group homes thru foster care (in the US) – but no orphanages.

Second, it’s relatively easy for the birth mom to give her baby up bc everyone (law, adoptive parents, officials) just want the baby to be safe & well cared for – so they truly make it as easy as possible on the birth mom.

Third, I think an agency is the way to go bc you get help – it’s not just the mom looking for a family for her child…but an entire egency rallying around her to make it happen. I imagine Planned Parenthood would be a good place to start so a person can start calling around until they get the right agency or individual.

And finally – Open Adoption is a very preferable thing bc they get to watch their child grow, the child knows the difference between birth mom & adoptive mom…..However, most adoptive parents like private I think, it’s tose who’ve waited forever who are willing to do Open.

It is NOT hard to find an adoptive family. SO MANY want this – it’s truly a very possible thing.

I’m just wondering what my options are since so many people are so against adoption. Is it ok to adopt older children is it just that everyone is against baby Adoptions? Seriously I’m not being sarcastic. I want to know. Since my husband and I can’t conceive and since I was little I have always wanted to be a mother. And its not about possessing a child its about being a part of that human beings existence loving them, helping them to learn and grow. I’m seriously wondering what you guys think is ok? Would you have rather been bounced around in foster care first and then adopted. Does that make it ok to adopt you? I really want to know what you think is ok since every adoption question I go into is full of bitterness towards adoption.

Ok, I know I am not the voice of the majority here, but as a person who was adopted and also plans to adopt I can tell you that it isn’t all horrible. If you love them and care for them and PARENT the child and don’t adopt solely to fulfill your own wants, then you are doing the right thing. If you want to foster-to-adopt thats fantastic. If you want to privately adopt, thats great too. So is going through an agency.

The only advice I can give you is this.
1.) Do the best you can. We are all human after all.
2.) If possible let the child keep part of their name.
3.) Get all the information you can in case your child ever wants to search. Keep it in a file that won’t get lost.
4.) Tell them early that they were adopted.
5.) When they are in their teens tell them that you are supportive about helping them learn more about who they are.
6.) Never close the doors on communication.
7.) Never let ANYONE make you feel bad about your Parenting decisions.

My Aunt took over caring for my cousins infant son because CPS took him away when she came up dirty on a drug test. My cousin has gone through rehab and is trying to get her act together… but now my Aunt wants to keep and adopt her baby. Even if the courts don’t give my cousin her baby back will my Aunt be automatically eligable to adopt him or will the baby be put up for Adoption to others??

Basically my question is… is it more likely that my Aunt will end up getting custody of him (as she wants to adopt him) or will the courts take him out of her temporary custody and put him up with an agency of some kind? Does anyone know how this works?

The Federal Child Welfare Act requires all states to give preferential placement consideration to blood relatives. The law is so strict on this point that any relative interested in adopting the child must be studied and found unsafe before the child can be placed for adoption with a stranger.

Heritage Adoption Services will be providing adoptive parent domestic training March 25th and 26th 2010. Adoption can be confusing, not to mention an emotional roller coaster.  Attending this class will help you organize your adoption plans, and give you the tools that prepare you to integrate adoption into your life. www.heritageAdoption.org

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My sister n’ law and brother have conceived a child. Although the child is biologically theirs, my wife and I are to be the child’s adoptive parents. Everything has been agreed upon by all parties. We are treating the situation like a surrogacy with donor egg and sperm, as neither my wife or I are able to conceive or utilize the in vitro process. Our question is, what is the process we must go through to complete the adoption once the baby is born? Additionally, will we need a lawyer or just an adoption kit? To complicate things a little, the baby will be born in a different state than we live in. Thank you in advance for any assistance you can provide!
I wanted to add after seeing the first response that both my brother and sister n’ law have assured us that they will NOT contest the Adoption. They do NOT want any more kids of their own. They do not want to hire a lawyer, because they don’t feel they need one and they are not in a financial situation to do so. This has ALL been agreed upon. We just need help as to what process we should take in order to complete the adoption. Preferably one that does not cost us $10,000, as this was an estimate a lawyer provided us with for his services.
This adoption, not surrogacy, will always be open. We have already purchased many adoption books for children to read to our child. In my original posting, I never said this would ever be kept a "secret" from our child. All parties involved know that this is an "adoption" and this is why I am asking what the best way for this type of adoption to be completed would be. I am asking for experienced people’s answers, not answers from people assuming the worst. My comment "We are treating the situation like a surrogacy with donor egg and sperm, as neither my wife or I are able to conceive or utilize the in vitro process," is meant to reflect that the baby was conceived by my brother and sister n’ law only for the reason of adopting the child out to us. The child was not at all an unwanted accident.

You definitely want a lawyer, as adoption law varies from state to state. If it is a simple act of drawing up the legal papers and getting you into court to have the right paperwork done, it will be fast and easy.

In the birth of a child, there are a lot of decisions to be made from immunizations to circumcision and the hospital needs legal documents to release the little person to a family other than the birth mother. Also, if you have the baby, you need to be the legal guardian to consent for treatment if needed.

Also, being in two different states will be a challenge.

You could contact your employer and see if they have an Employee Assistance Program, which can assist with this and even may be covered under your services. Also, a lot of employers will give an allowance for adoption to help cover some of the costs.

You could also meet with the hospital social worker to see exactly what paperwork you need to get things going.

What a beautiful gift this is for a child and your family. Good luck.

I have heard such negative answers on here about adoption latlely. The one thing all the people have in commom is they are talking adoption 30 years ago, not adoption today. I understand that back then mothers sometimes had no choice, there children were pretty much stolen, I get that. But do you really still think it is like that now?? I was never lied to or told I had to put my baby up for adoption. I never expeirienced any pressure to do this. It was %100 my decision. Im probably gonna get some rude answers but I dont really care. Anyways I guess what Im trying to ask is does anyone support adoption today and realize that it has changed completly in the last 30 years or am I the only one? Thanks
i understand SOME people were lied too. I wasnt and I do not think that all these assumtions should be made about adoption. I seems that no body talks about the positive Adoption stories, just the negative ones. It kinda bums me out

thanks for being honest. I have tried and tried to explain to people here that there are actually women that place their babies for adoption because it is 100% their decision. My birth mom did (I have a letter from here stating this)- also have met the birth moms of my 2 children, and they made it very clear to us that they chose to place. As a matter of fact they were being "forced" to abort- which I am very thankful they didn’t choose to do. I am an adoptee that has been told, here many times I must be in denial for having such a good adoption experience. My children as well. You are not the only one. I am sure placing your baby was not an easy thing to do, but thanks again for coming forward and saying that adoption is not bad in every circumstance, we need more like you here.

I read statements all the time that imply that a first mom in a private newborn adoption may have been abusive, or that kids placed for adoption by first parents go to orphanages, etc…It seems to me that people don’t realize the ENORMOUS difference between a private newborn adoption and foster adoption situations.

What do you think the misconceptions are about these two types of adoptions?

Do you believe that they are prevalent in "real life" as they are here on Y!A?
@sizesmith: I realize children in the U.S. (here either) don’t go to orphanages. I was repeating something I read on here recently.
Just to add, I’m aware that orphanages DO exist, in the form of group homes, but in relation to infant Adoption, I was referring to the stereotypical orphanage full of HWN’s in rows of basinettes just waiting to be adopted.

Some people really believe this to be a reality. Yikes.
@I Didn’t Say That: I’m really sad to hear you say those things…I can understand where you’re coming from, but I haven’t really had that same experience. We never considered Private Adoption, and several of the other families we know who have gone through S.S. didn’t either. I’m not implying AT ALL that what you’re saying isn’t true, only that I haven’t personally seen/heard that. Wow. Heartbreaking.

This is a great question, and it is something that frustrates me to no end. Newborn adoption and foster care adoption are two entirely different things, yet they are lumped together. The circumstances leading to adoption are entirely different. The adoption itself is entirely different. The differences are HUGE.

It frustrates me when Infant Adoption is the clear topic, yet someone has to throw in their two cents about an abusive foster care situation that is irrelevant to the newborn private agency adoption or vice versa. It is really disturbing when someone posts in this manner deliberately trying to muddy the waters.

Unfortunately, I think this is just as common in real life as it is on Y!. I wonder what would happen if we had two boards? One for newborn private agency……and one for foster care adoptions.

I have just read an amazing essay written by a first/birth mother – Heather Lowe – written in 1999 – in regard to suggestions for reform in adoption.

http://www.adopting.org/BirthmothersViewOfAdoption.html

It’s lengthy (grab a coffee) – but I would appreciate views on the essay if you have the time to read it.

Many of these practices do not occur in Australia or the UK.

Do you think these reforms are achievable in the U.S., where adoption numbers per year are quite astounding??
(over 130,000 per year)

Do you think that prospective adoptive parents would benefit from reading this before adopting??

The nine basic points in the essay should be implemented ASAP. They would benefit all parties involved. And yes, PAPs ought to read this sort of thing. I’m frightened at how naiive some of them are. When they fail to educate themselves, they not only risk the mental health of any kids they adopt, they risk getting scammed.

Will it happen? I don’t know. Perhaps if we could convince PAPs that the number of adoptions wouldn’t drop if Adoption were more ethical, more of them would get behind reforms.