Momologue! - Open Adoption, Foster Adoption, Parenting and more!

Archive for the ‘Adoption’ Category

Adoption

April 23, 2010

Why do some of the anti-adoption folk continue to use this forum as a platform for their feelings?

If someone asks a question about how to go about an adoption, or something else factual, why do some of the anti-Adoption people continually use it as a platform to tell people how terrrible adoption is and how they wish they’d been aborted?

I
@ Randy B-Yes, but what about when a question is not calling for an opinion? If someone is asking for example "Has anyone adopted from China" they are not asking for either negative or positive feedback. They’re certainly not asking for rants about being aborted.

It also violates the TOS.

It’s very offensive to adopted people. I try to be reasonably unbiased in my answers on these more personal parts of Y!A because the chance you’ll upset someone is high. People should restrict their replies to the subject matter. If the question is "Is it good to adopt" then it’s going to be fine to voice your opinion on how evil or how much of a blessing it is, but if the question is "how do I adopt" then the answers should just be from people who can help with that, not who will try and persuade the asker (who has clearly already made up their mind) to change their decision.

Adoption

April 19, 2010

What is the process of adoption and how long would it take, to adopt a kid from mexico?

I am a U.S. Florida resident I was born here and lived all my life here, but i want to adopt a mexican kid that is 17 years old, I know his parents and they are totally willing to give him in Adoption, because they are no longer capable of taking care of him and they know he would be in better hands with me. What would be the process of adopting him and how long would it take?

In the US, we can’t adopt from Mexico.

Adoption

April 17, 2010

Do you think it is possible for adoption workers to give unbiased advice about adoption?

Adoption workers are paid by hopeful adoptive parents to find them a child (under 2 years of age, preferably an infant). With such a big stake in the adoption being finalized, do you think it is possible for adoption workers to give unbiased advice to either the adoptive parents or the pregnant mother (and the baby’s father)?

How much should they be trusted by adoptive parents?

How much should they be trusted by parents coping with an unexpected pregnancy?

Nope. Most Adoption workers are not even degreed in social work or any related field.
I would be very careful in trusting someone who claims to work in the adoption industry in real life or on the internet unless they have an actual degree in social work or a comparable field.
People here have even talked about the role of adoption caseworkers. Some of them are specifically trained to befriend potential "birth mothers" so that if they do have a change of heart and decide to parent, the caseworker can try to persuade them to relinquish. Of course the fact that the person who mentioned this said it like it was a good thing is truly gut-wrenching in and of itself. But that is another story.
The truth is, most Adoption Agencies are in it for the money and very few practice ethically. I would not trust most adoption workers especially here on Y!A where they change their names on a whim and pose as adoptees and "birthmothers" and adoptive mothers whenever they feel it will get them further. SCARY.

Adoption

April 15, 2010

What is the average cost of a newborn adoption through an adoption agency?

My husband and I are wanting a baby and have been unsuccessful for three years now. What should we expect financially for a domestic Adoption? $5,000, $10,000, $20,000??? We have no clue.

Actually agencies are not the only place to adopt a child. There are children services who can help and also groups such as this one: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MyPrivateAdoption/ where you can ask questions and try to help each other.

Adoption

April 13, 2010

How much is a reasonable adoption fee for a cat?

If you were going to adopt a cat from a rescue group, would a $100 Adoption fee seem a lot if the cat comes already fixed, vaccinated, tested for disease, and all up to date on vet care?

Sounds great! A spay /neuter would cost more than that. When I adopted my two cats, I had to pay $100 for vaccinations and then near $400 for the female to be spayed (she went into heat, so surgery was more), and about $250 for the male to be neutered. Instead of going to a cheap place, I used my vet for the surgeries and had the pre-surgery blood testing done and monitoring during the surgury. You can get your cat fixed some places for like $60, but it is bare bones.

Regardless, $100 is a great price for adoption. It varies from place to place, but $100 is not unreasonable considering that the place had to pay for those vaccinations, spay/neuter, food, etc.

Adoption

April 11, 2010

What kind of dogs do they have for adoption at animal shelters?

I want to adopt a puppy for my 4 year old son. But with all the animals that end up in animal shelters, I would like to adopt one there as opposed to buying one from a pet shop.

I worry that at an animal shelter, there will be no puppies for Adoption. And I want a puppy so my son and the puppy have a better chance of bonding.

Here are my questions:
1) Do animal shelters have puppies for adoption or just older dogs?
2) Does the age of the dog even make a difference in whether or not the dog and my son will bond?

Thanks!

Bless your heart for considering adoption!

Animal Shelters have ALL types of dogs and ages. 25% are purebreds.

I would not go with a puppy for your 4 year old. Puppies bite, chew and need to be housebroken. Your first concern is your son’s safety.

I would go with a more mature dog that has been raised around kids and likes them. Older dogs bond well, if not better with children. The added benefit is; they’re already housebroken, usually know commands, won’t destroy your home and can be trusted around your child.

Tell the shelter exactly what you’re looking for. Many times these dogs end up in the shelter because their owners can’t afford to take care of them anymore because of the lousy economy (here in Michigan anyway). A rescue or humane society is another option.

http://www.petfinder.com

Again thank you for considering saving a dog!

Adoption

April 9, 2010

where do i start looking for adoption agencies?

My husband and I are looking into International Adoption. We are in the UK. Should we be looking for an adoption agency in the uk that deals with adoption abroad or should we be looking for an Adoption agency based in the country we would like to adopt from?
Any website or addresses much appreciated.
Thanks in advance for all answers.

You still need to go through a social worker (social services or adoption agency) if you want to adopt internationally.

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/Adoptionfosteringandchildrenincare/AdoptionAndFostering/DG_4018296

First steps for adopting a child from overseas
If you wish to adopt a child from overseas you should speak to either:
your local authority (LA)
a voluntary adoption agency registered to provide an intercountry adoption service
Contact details for both of these can be found on the intercountry adoption section of the Department for Children, Schools and Families (DCSF) website.

Adoption

April 7, 2010

What are adoption practices in other countries?

Not in how the west exploits Adoption, but in other countries how are adoptions, if at all, practiced?

Let me answer for India.

You go to an orphanage and choose from the ones that are ready to be placed. You must be meeting all guidelines that are put down by the goverment under CARA. Documentation is done and then you take the child home for fostering.After several month to a year the court grants you full custody.

Private Adoption practises are highly unethical and more popular but not too common. Don’t have stats though to offer. You know a doctor, and then she/he knows some expectant mother(poor or unwed) or a mother post birth (mostly after realising its a girl child after birth since sex determination during pregnancy is not allowed) and she knows of some one who is looking to adopt privately. The doctor or hospital authority calls the PAP and they come and take the baby. In the hospital records they show the AP as the mother who delivered. The Adoptive parent keeps the child and pretends the child was born to them.

I know of both cases. My 2 cousins were adopted privately and secretly.
I have friends and acquaintances who adopted from the orphanage.

Adoption

April 5, 2010

What is wrong with adoption because you want a family?

Ok I get the hole not telling the adopted child they are adopted, I am in favor of not amending OBC (Original birth certificate0, and just getting an adoption certificate, I am have even changed my opinion on closed Adoptions, in fav of enforcing Open Adoption.
However i don’t get why so many of you say it is selfish to adopt. People don’t give birth thinking about the kids needs. They have kids because they want kids. Some people can’t so they adopt. .

Speaking as an adoptive mom, adopting a child is no more and no less selfish than giving birth to one. Wanting a family is selfish. We do it for ourselves. It’s human. It’s primal. So no, there is nothing wrong with wanting to have a family.

But IMO there is good selfish and bad selfish.

Good is wanting to adopt because you want to be parents to a child that does not have any.

Bad is wanting to adopt because you wish to be a hero, or save your marriage or feel fulfilled, or have someone take care of you. Many of these bad reasons also apply to people who raise biological children.

So in essence: the desire to have a family is selfish, yet normal, but what ultimately matters is what you do once you become a parent. It should be about your child. What they need. And can you provide it?

Adoption

April 3, 2010

Why do the adoption haters degrade natural mothers who want their child to grow up with a father?

My son’s natural mother sought out my Adoption agency. They did not seek her out. She’s a very strong woman, and not a mindless idiot like some adoption haters make her out to be. Her main reason for putting my son up for adoption was so he would have a father. I completely understand that a single mom can do a great job as a parent on her own, but based on years and years of research, it has been proven children as a whole are more successful in a two parent home. I’m not saying this is always the case, but as a whole. My point is, if my son’s natural mother made this choice on her own, without any coersion, why do adoption haters degrade her for it? She does struggle with some depression but she has told us it is because certain people have degraded her for her decision. When she’s with people who support her, she feels good about herself. When she is around adoption haters, she gets depressed. Who’s the bad guy here? Doesn’t sound like it is me or the Adoption Agencies.
Julie R: You proved my point. Obviously, you know my natural mother better than I. Even though I’m very close to her, you know her better. You also know that she can’t express her feelings like she wants. Once again, she’s a mindless idiot who can’t express her feelings. This is why I think this will be the last question I post. It doesn’t matter what questions we post, how we post them, there is always going to be something wrong with what we say. It doesn’t matter how well I treat my natural mother or my son. It doesn’t matter how happy my natural mother is with HER decision. We will always be the bad guys. Try spreading your views when no one else will post anymore because of all the vitrial. Way to be successful at helping people understand your view point.

I am a birthmom and there is someone in my church who is totally against adoption. Her son-in-law was adopted and she states that his birthmom abandoned him. It’s hard to hear that because I really love my baby and wanted what was best. I still have another year of high school to go. Adoption is a lot different now and people don’t seem to realize it. I live in a single parent home and it’s been really tough. I wanted what was best for my child. I am very blessed to have found a great family. The birthfather and I have an Open Adoption with the family. Glad to hear your situation is working. Gives me a better hope for mine :)