My adopted parents are wonderful people who love me as much as if I was their biological child. I have 3 fabulous brothers and love my family with all my heart. The only time of year I am curious about my biological parents as when it gets close to my birthday (July 31). If you were adopted, have you looked for your biological parents? Why or why not? If so, did you find them? Was it a positive experience?

I am an adoptee in a sealed records state. It took a long time, but I found my natural mother’s identity anyway. However, I’d waited too long, and she had died before I could meet her. I honestly felt almost exactly like you did. I searched infrequently and not very hard, and often wondered if I really wanted to find her. I heard all the stories of bad reunions, crazy bio parents, rejection, and so on. But honestly, I think any of those would have been better.

I discovered that there was always a part of me that had wanted to meet her. I always, on some level, thought we would meet one day. I had no idea what relationship we would have, but I just wanted to see her, hear her voice, know what she was like. Even if it was someone I wouldn’t want to know. But now I will never have that and it is awful. And I have to figure out how to mourn someone I never knew. It’s a weird, weird thing and I don’t think anyone who isn’t an adoptee can understand it.

But even without meeting her, knowing about her and knowing I didn’t just fall out of the sky, that I have an origin with a specific person who had a name and a life and a background, it was just amazing to me. It filled in blanks I didn’t even know I had. And she looked so much like me, it’s scary. I also got to see family resemblances in my daughter, especially with my aunts, that I never would have seen with just me. Very powerful stuff.

I am in reunion with her family and so far it has been a very positive experience. Even if problems arise or things go bad for some reason, it will have been worth it.

Even if your records are off limits where you live, there are lots of other ways to find them. Nothing guaranteed, of course, but it is possible. They might even be looking for you, so you should register with the International Soundex Reunion Registry. http://www.isrr.net/

Good luck to you!

i was told not long ago i have another older brother i was never aware of he is 2 years older than me.

he was a child of rape and my grandparents forced my mother to give him up.

what organizations can help me find him?

how should i approach him?
please star! i want to find my brother.

our grandparents were the kind of people that blamed the victim and she was young. they sent her to a convent. and she is always to distraught to tell me any more than he was adopted.

they branded her a …well you know. and yet when our aunt actually did it with every man around (after I was born)and got pregnant they gave her money and support and never once called her that word. and she chose an abortion.

my mother did the right thing in having him because they wanted her to have an abortion but she refused…she wanted to keep him

You can post your message here:
http://www.genealogicaljourneys.com/missings.htm
And, on that page there are links to other resources.
Join forums, such as this:
http://forums.adoption.com/search-reunion/
http://www.city-data.com/forum/people-search/854005-searching-adopted-siblings.html

Best Success to you!
Added:
Other good resources:
http://www.Adoptionsearchbureau.com/
http://www.adopting.org/adoptions/how-to-find-adopted-sibling.php
http://www.the-seeker.com/instructions.htm

My dad was adopted. I want to find his biological mother. I do not know her last name. The only thing I know is his name and his adopting mothers name. I also know that he came off an Indian reservation in North Carolina

Hey ava_manee…,

I don’t think this is free, but it is a good place. Keeping records costs money, and if you get a record that gives you the information – you will most likely have to pay for it.

My great-grandparents met in an orphanage and that’s where the story stops (or starts).
It was an orphanage in Terre Haute, IN. My great-grandparents "met" there, supposedly. No one is sure on the details, since they are both deceased. From what I found in one cencus record, they were married at 17. And her DOB s differnt from what we thought.

Adoption records are commonly sealed.
Not necessarily so for orphanages, if you have an approximate time frame, and place. One orphanage in the Dallas area has an alumni group! And early census records are online. More and more orphanages are compassionate towards providing what they can for family members… respecting, of course, that these are historical records and not re living persons.
Can you edit the question and see what we can do with more details??

I am a birth mother thinking about starting a sort of "Have you seen me or do you know me", page for one of my birth son’s.

I am looking for suggestions on colors and details I should/should not put in /on the page(s).

This is serious no stupid responses please.

I would put enough identifying information for your child to recognize if its a possible relation, yet at the same time, keep your personal details private. This way if you get an inquire on your page, then you can have some facts offline, that you can use to verify your relations to the possible child you’re searching for.

For example:

Its important to have

Female Mother In search of Son
Son was born on XX/XX/XX in City and State

That way if a male adoptee comes across your page, he can know right away if theres a possible match via birth date, city and state.

Then he can email you and you can exchange OTHER details to verify if you’re mother / son or not. Other details would be the information in your Non identifying information, as well as a DNA test for good assurance.

Also, get involved w/ search angels, and search groups for your state as well as http://www.isrr.net It is also a good idea to put a waiver of consent to release your identifying information into your sons Adoption file should he come looking for you at the agency or through the state he was surrendered and / or adopted into.

Good luck!

My story has lies, deception, abuse, twins, and a major Adoption agency doing damage control. It I need to get it out there.

Someone had my last question deleted. Hmmm, who could that be?

Seriously – I Need LOTS of great answers to pursue. Please provide lots of LEGITIMATE answers, just like you did last time.

Thank you!
I DID contact Cynthia McFadden and haven’t heard back from her yet. Unfortunately, I referenced the Y!A question that got deleted…

However, Holt has decided to back down, do the right thing, and conduct the search for the girl who might potentially be my twin sister. I don’t know if it was the bad PR or if they have a conscience, but I don’t care – I finally might get to meet one person who knew me before my history got erased.

I appreciate everyone’s answers – they were very helpful

Thank you, all of you, so very very much!

Hi AH,

I don’t know if you got to read my previous answer so here it is again.

I think Cynthia McFadden is your best bet. She is an adoptee. She has also done news stories before about search and reunion.

http://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/story?id=128458

Best wishes:)

When a searching adoptee comes here asking for information about finding their family of origin, there are often answers that slam them with how the mothers ‘life will be devastated’; that
’she doesn’t want to be found’;
‘Why are you interested in someone who didn’t want you ?’
‘it’s selfish to search’;
‘you’re opening pandora’s box’ and
’she gave you up for a reason’
the list goes on . . . .

Why do people get so upset and negative about it. Is it out of genuine concern for the mother/adoptee? Or is it perhaps a projection of their own fears and prejudice?

Do you think First mothers who want to be found are aware that people are speaking on their behalf in this negative way?

In the words of the great ‘ollie’ – Why do people feel they have the right to speak on behalf of others?
ETA: lol. Oh, I did ’suck it up’ and found my family anyways despite the search haters.

You can look up anyone you please but god forbid you want to know your own mother pppffffttt

It isn’t just Anti-Search people who speak on behalf of surrendering mothers nor the adoptee.

When I found my daughter..I called one of my life-long friends, who was my friend when I was pg at 17..to tell her I found My Baby! I was so excited. You know what she said? "Why would you want to do that? She doesn’t know you..I think you should have left well enough alone". I was stunned…this my friend I had known so long..who had given birth and raised 2 sons of her own and as a child had the misfortune to have lived in fostercare for awhile..because her parents had become destitute for a period of time (after a short time was sent back to her parents). She had no clue about surrendering a newborn, no clue about missing your baby for a lifetime, no clue about reunion…but somehow, someway she had formed this ‘belief’..that reunion should never happen. It was after that conversation that our ‘friendship’ dwindled away.

I have recently wondered how did the belief that reuniting with one’s own child or one’s own nmother or nfamily…is injurious (even devastating) to one’s mental and physical health, get started in the first place?? Who conjured up this Myth that search & reunion should never happen?

I may have been clueless about search & reunion in the beginning..but I searched for an adult, not a minor. I did respect for all those years that she had another man and woman in her life…that she knew only as her ‘Mom & Dad’. Still I always believed (and still do)..I am her mother. I needed to know if she was OK, that she was even alive. I never had great expectations..I just needed to know my child, now an adult was OK and to answer any questions she may have about her beginnings.

Over the years belonging to and reading at all sorts of ‘adoption groups/forums’…I am still amazed at how many people, even those who have no connection to adoption…who weigh in telling adoptees and mothers that they have no rights to search and find each other. And that either one..should just ‘move on’ and ‘get over it’!! Who gave this ‘right’ to ‘other’ people to say who can or cannot find their relatives? Genealogy applauds the journey to find relatives, any relative…but only in Adoption Land will you so often hear…NAY! NAY!! WHY?

http://www.isrr.net/

http://registry.adoption.com/

http://www.geocities.com/tmusso.geo/states/california.html

12 Adoption Groups: California
CALIFORNIA

ALMA Chapter
Emily Carter
P.O. Box 2341
Alameda, CA 94501-2341
510-523-4774

ROOTS
P.O. Box 40564
Bakersfield, CA 93304-0564
mghy14a@prodigy.com
805-832-5549

Adoption with Truth
Sara Vick
66-C Panoramic Way
Berkeley, CA 94704

Adoptees’, Birthparents’ Association
P.O. Box 33
Camarillo, CA 93011
805-583-4306, 805-482-8667
SMVT47A@prodigy.com

ALMA Chapter
Henrietta Buchanan
P.O. Box 9425
Canoga Park, CA 91309-0425

Adoption Council of Orange County
P.O. Box 10857
Costa Mesa, CA 92627

Independent Search Consultants
P.O. Box 10857
Costa Mesa, CA 92627

CUB
Cindy Shacklett, ISC
P.O. Box 816
El Toro, CA 92630

CUB
Janet Appleford
2041 Willowood Lane
Encinitas, CA 92024

S.C.A.N.
P.O. Box 230643
Encinitas, CA 92023

Severed Strings
Pat Treadway
P.O. Box 2203
Fullerton, CA 92633

Redwood Area Adoption Triad Support
818 Redwood Dr.
Garberville, CA 95542
voc: 707-247-3452
fax 707-923-9102
rlewis@asis.com

Central Coast Adoption Support Group
1718 Long Branch
Grover City, CA 93433

Adoptees Search Workshop
Marilyn Miller, ISC
P.O. Box 039
Harbor City, CA 90710

Mendo Lake Adoption Triad
P.O. Box 487
Hopland, CA 95449

C.A.R.S.
P.O. Box 6058
Huntington Beach, CA 92615

Coming Out Of The Dark
841 W. Branna Is Road #25
Isleton, CA 95641

CUB
14820 Figueras Road
La Mirada CA 90638
714-521-4204

Association of Korean Adoptees
Los Angeles, CA
http://ebhon.jnst.uor.edu/Administration/bryce/adoption.html
96bhilto@ultrix.uor.edu
(Bryce K Hilton)

CUB
Patti Prickett
1008 West Kensington Road
Los Angeles, CA 90026

Adoptees Research Assn
P.O. Box 304
Montrose, CA 91020-0304

CUB
26821 Preciados Drive
Mission Viejo, CA 92691

Dolphin Search
339 Magdalena Drive
Oceanside, CA 91257

PACER
Virgina Keeler Wolf
P.O. Box 309
Orinda, CA 94563-0309

CUB
686 South Arroya Parkway #106
Pasadena, CA 91105

Research
P.O. Box 2837
Petaluma, CA 94953-2837

LA County Adoption Search Assoc.
LACASA
P.O. Box 1461
Roseville, CA 95661
voc: 916-784-2711
fax: 916-784-0796

ALMA Chapter
Gary & Carol McDowell
P.O. Box 191514
Sacramento, CA 95819-7514

The Birth Connection
P.O. Box 277434
Sacremento, CA 95827-7434

Sylvia Hill
Reconnections
1191 Eastside Rd.
El Cajon, CA 92020

CUB
5224 Caminito Aruba
San Diego, CA 92124
619-685-7673

Baby Girl Jane Does
319 Virginia Ave
San Franciso, CA 94110

Bay Area Birthmothers Association
Sheila Ganz
1546 Great Highway #44
San Francisco, CA 94122-2446

CUB
423 Hill St.
San Francisco CA 94114

PACER
1053 Filbert Street
San Francisco, CA 94133

CUB Representative
1787 Michon Drive
San Jose, CA 95124

Professional Adoption Search Team
Dorothy Yturriaga, ISC
P.O. Box 24095
San Jose, CA 95154

Search Finders of California
P.O. Box 24595
San Jose, CA 95154-4595

Adoptee-BirthParent Connection
1365 Lesley Court
Santa Maria, CA 93454
voc: 805-922-4313
fox: 805-346-1156
72103.2257@compuserve.com, ccsd62b@prodigy.com, tinapeddie@aol.com

Triad Research
300 Golden West
Shafter, CA 93263

ALMA Chapter
Mary Anna DeParcq
P.O. Box 1233
Simi Valley, CA 93062

Adoption Reality
2180 Clover St.
Simi Valley, CA 93065

Snoop Sisters
P.O. Box 129
Soulsbyville, CA 95372-0129

Adoptees Identity Discovery (AID)
Neil Kelly
P.O. Box 2159
Sunnyvale, CA 94087-2159
408-737-2222

Reconnections of California
41669 Zinfandel Ave
Temecula CA 92591
909-695-1152

Hand In Hand
Patty Bybee
63 E. Avenida de las Flores
Thousand Oaks, CA 91360-3104
805-494-0199
805-495-5754
URXV71C@prodigy.com

Parenting Resources
250 El Camino Real #111
Tusin, CA 92680

Mendo Lake Adoption Triad
620 Walnut Avenue
Ukiah, CA 95482

Second Abandonment
2323 Eastern Canal
Venice, CA

ALMA Chapter
Leila Higgs
P.O. Box 271
Vina, CA 96092

ReConnections of Tulare-Kings Counties
3728 S. Chatham
Visalia CA 93277
209-627-3308
rogers@tcoe.k12.ca.us

Mary Jo Rillera
PURE, Inc.
P.O. Box 638
Westminster, CA 92663

I hope you find him!

http://www.isrr.net/

http://registry.adoption.com/

http://www.geocities.com/tmusso.geo/states/california.html

12 Adoption Groups: California
CALIFORNIA

ALMA Chapter
Emily Carter
P.O. Box 2341
Alameda, CA 94501-2341
510-523-4774

ROOTS
P.O. Box 40564
Bakersfield, CA 93304-0564
mghy14a@prodigy.com
805-832-5549

Adoption with Truth
Sara Vick
66-C Panoramic Way
Berkeley, CA 94704

Adoptees’, Birthparents’ Association
P.O. Box 33
Camarillo, CA 93011
805-583-4306, 805-482-8667
SMVT47A@prodigy.com

ALMA Chapter
Henrietta Buchanan
P.O. Box 9425
Canoga Park, CA 91309-0425

Adoption Council of Orange County
P.O. Box 10857
Costa Mesa, CA 92627

Independent Search Consultants
P.O. Box 10857
Costa Mesa, CA 92627

CUB
Cindy Shacklett, ISC
P.O. Box 816
El Toro, CA 92630

CUB
Janet Appleford
2041 Willowood Lane
Encinitas, CA 92024

S.C.A.N.
P.O. Box 230643
Encinitas, CA 92023

Severed Strings
Pat Treadway
P.O. Box 2203
Fullerton, CA 92633

Redwood Area Adoption Triad Support
818 Redwood Dr.
Garberville, CA 95542
voc: 707-247-3452
fax 707-923-9102
rlewis@asis.com

Central Coast Adoption Support Group
1718 Long Branch
Grover City, CA 93433

Adoptees Search Workshop
Marilyn Miller, ISC
P.O. Box 039
Harbor City, CA 90710

Mendo Lake Adoption Triad
P.O. Box 487
Hopland, CA 95449

C.A.R.S.
P.O. Box 6058
Huntington Beach, CA 92615

Coming Out Of The Dark
841 W. Branna Is Road #25
Isleton, CA 95641

CUB
14820 Figueras Road
La Mirada CA 90638
714-521-4204

Association of Korean Adoptees
Los Angeles, CA
http://ebhon.jnst.uor.edu/Administration/bryce/adoption.html
96bhilto@ultrix.uor.edu
(Bryce K Hilton)

CUB
Patti Prickett
1008 West Kensington Road
Los Angeles, CA 90026

Adoptees Research Assn
P.O. Box 304
Montrose, CA 91020-0304

CUB
26821 Preciados Drive
Mission Viejo, CA 92691

Dolphin Search
339 Magdalena Drive
Oceanside, CA 91257

PACER
Virgina Keeler Wolf
P.O. Box 309
Orinda, CA 94563-0309

CUB
686 South Arroya Parkway #106
Pasadena, CA 91105

Research
P.O. Box 2837
Petaluma, CA 94953-2837

LA County Adoption Search Assoc.
LACASA
P.O. Box 1461
Roseville, CA 95661
voc: 916-784-2711
fax: 916-784-0796

ALMA Chapter
Gary & Carol McDowell
P.O. Box 191514
Sacramento, CA 95819-7514

The Birth Connection
P.O. Box 277434
Sacremento, CA 95827-7434

Sylvia Hill
Reconnections
1191 Eastside Rd.
El Cajon, CA 92020

CUB
5224 Caminito Aruba
San Diego, CA 92124
619-685-7673

Baby Girl Jane Does
319 Virginia Ave
San Franciso, CA 94110

Bay Area Birthmothers Association
Sheila Ganz
1546 Great Highway #44
San Francisco, CA 94122-2446

CUB
423 Hill St.
San Francisco CA 94114

PACER
1053 Filbert Street
San Francisco, CA 94133

CUB Representative
1787 Michon Drive
San Jose, CA 95124

Professional Adoption Search Team
Dorothy Yturriaga, ISC
P.O. Box 24095
San Jose, CA 95154

Search Finders of California
P.O. Box 24595
San Jose, CA 95154-4595

Adoptee-BirthParent Connection
1365 Lesley Court
Santa Maria, CA 93454
voc: 805-922-4313
fox: 805-346-1156
72103.2257@compuserve.com, ccsd62b@prodigy.com, tinapeddie@aol.com

Triad Research
300 Golden West
Shafter, CA 93263

ALMA Chapter
Mary Anna DeParcq
P.O. Box 1233
Simi Valley, CA 93062

Adoption Reality
2180 Clover St.
Simi Valley, CA 93065

Snoop Sisters
P.O. Box 129
Soulsbyville, CA 95372-0129

Adoptees Identity Discovery (AID)
Neil Kelly
P.O. Box 2159
Sunnyvale, CA 94087-2159
408-737-2222

Reconnections of California
41669 Zinfandel Ave
Temecula CA 92591
909-695-1152

Hand In Hand
Patty Bybee
63 E. Avenida de las Flores
Thousand Oaks, CA 91360-3104
805-494-0199
805-495-5754
URXV71C@prodigy.com

Parenting Resources
250 El Camino Real #111
Tusin, CA 92680

Mendo Lake Adoption Triad
620 Walnut Avenue
Ukiah, CA 95482

Second Abandonment
2323 Eastern Canal
Venice, CA

ALMA Chapter
Leila Higgs
P.O. Box 271
Vina, CA 96092

ReConnections of Tulare-Kings Counties
3728 S. Chatham
Visalia CA 93277
209-627-3308
rogers@tcoe.k12.ca.us

Mary Jo Rillera
PURE, Inc.
P.O. Box 638
Westminster, CA 92663

I hope you find him!

There are many of them. I have friends working for Adoption agencies. Just pick up the local phone book and make a call. Some are government agencies, so start with the blue pages.