Do we just have an inordinate number of punishment-fetishist trolls, or is it really such a huge part of Parenting for many parents that it’s more focused on than questions of what they can do to lift their kids up, help them, be kind to them?
I think, and hope that it is just a bunch of bored loser @$$ trolls looking for kicks.
In 1996, as the presidential election approached, President Clinton signed a bill that gave money to people who adopted infants and foster children. This was controversial and considered highly political; most of the money went to subsidizing the already profitable adoption industry. Very little went to helping the children who needed it, i.e. those in foster care.
Seeing how the system has developed, should we change the law and direct the money to those adopting from foster care?
i think the money put aside for this credit needs to go toward reforming the system all together. yes it costs large amounts to adopt through and agency and privately. but if you look before 1996 the charges incured by adoptive parents through private and agencies were about 10k less than they were post 1996. so honestly the credit is helping no one but the agencies. it’s not helping kids in the foster care system and it’s not helping curb the expenses that adoptive couples spend during an Adoption. basically you hand the agency 10k in a lump sum, and the governement hands you 10k back, but over time. none of it makes any sense. i would rather see agencies be regulated on fees and expenses and lower those fees charged by 10k, and the gov. spend 10k per child adopted on adoption reform and reforming the foster care system. since you usually don’t get the credit for adopting a child through the foster care system, because you don’t spend 10k to adopt them. the only thing this credit is being used for is a profit to the agencies, and it’s hurting the children and the system that needs it the most.
We agreed to a semi-open Adoption, where we would exchange letters/cards/pictures a couple of times a year. The birthmother has received numerous letters and pictures from us over the past couple of years. However, we have yet to hear from her even once. I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable or pressured, but I want to have something to show our child in a few years.
I don’t want to stop sending things, because that may make her feel like we no longer want to get anything back. What should we do?
Without knowing her I can only guess that she is finding this very hard and the longer it goes on without her contacting you the harder it will be for her. Also without knowing what you write it’s hard to suggest ideas. So working blind on this persevere as she hasn’t said she doesn’t want to hear from you and maybe gently tell her it would be lovely to receive a ‘newsy’ letter from her. Hope this helps a bit.
Some friends have signed an agreement that the mother (both the mother & bf are early 20’s and not together) will be able to breast feed the baby one time before giving up the child. Then has visitation rights 4 times per year. I would think this is going to be traumatic all the way around. That is why I would like any experience to help me get off my worry about my friends.
Very heart warming input from all. I learned a ton and can now be very supportive without worry. Community will have to vote best answer. thks!!
Sylar, thx for sharing. I attended a seminar "Landmark Forum". A lady in the seminar completed her past as an adoptive child and by the end of the seminar was in contact with her bio father. Total transformation. fyi
In most states, open Adoption agreements aren’t enforceable by law. Your friends need to know that. Open agreements are honor-based and not all APs honor them.
We have a fully Open Adoption with our daughter’s natural mom and her family. We talk on the phone, e-mail, have a MySpace account and visit each other a few times each year.
It’s what my daughter has always known, so it’s not like the 800 lb. gorilla in the room. She doesn’t seem traumatized or confused by this. She’s ten now and she understands who her natural mother is and who her every day nagging mother is.
I don’t know how her natural mother feels deep down in her soul. (She’s shy and doesn’t talk about these things with me.) But I can tell you she beams when she sees her daughter, she posts loving messages on MySpace, and she and I get along great.
Open adoption is still relatively new and there isn’t a great quantity of research on it yet. But in my opinion, if all parties honor the agreement, everyone will benefit.
Just thinking about booking a Caribbean cruise almost makes your head spin, doesn’t it? There are going to be so many exciting fun things to do, meeting new people, seeing exotic ports, trying new foods, sight seeing and lots of shopping! Sounds just great, wouldn’t it be neat if you had a few tips about taking a cruise.
No matter what cruise you take always pack a couple of pairs of comfortable walking shoes. If you enjoy meeting new people it’s a good idea to sit at a large dining table, where you can meet a number of new people or if allowed rotating tables works well too. You may be all ready to get your first suntan on a Caribbean cruise, just be careful not to overdo. You can usually pick up last minute items that you forgot to pack on board the ship, they may cost more.
Tipping policies vary from ship to ship so don’t get caught off guard, find how it works early on. If you get the chance to go swimming or snorkeling, don’t forget to lather on some waterproof sunscreen. Check into the smoking policies before booking your cruise. Research the high and low temperatures before packing so you’re well prepared. Always pack medications and a spare change of clothes in your carry-on luggage. Be well prepared and you will have a great Caribbean cruise.
Some friends have signed an agreement that the mother (both the mother & bf are early 20’s and not together) will be able to breast feed the baby one time before giving up the child. Then has visitation rights 4 times per year. I would think this is going to be traumatic all the way around. That is why I would like any experience to help me get off my worry about my friends.
Very heart warming input from all. I learned a ton and can now be very supportive without worry. Community will have to vote best answer. thks!!
Sylar, thx for sharing. I attended a seminar "Landmark Forum". A lady in the seminar completed her past as an adoptive child and by the end of the seminar was in contact with her bio father. Total transformation. fyi
In most states, open adoption agreements aren’t enforceable by law. Your friends need to know that. Open agreements are honor-based and not all APs honor them.
We have a fully open Adoption with our daughter’s natural mom and her family. We talk on the phone, e-mail, have a MySpace account and visit each other a few times each year.
It’s what my daughter has always known, so it’s not like the 800 lb. gorilla in the room. She doesn’t seem traumatized or confused by this. She’s ten now and she understands who her natural mother is and who her every day nagging mother is.
I don’t know how her natural mother feels deep down in her soul. (She’s shy and doesn’t talk about these things with me.) But I can tell you she beams when she sees her daughter, she posts loving messages on MySpace, and she and I get along great.
Open Adoption is still relatively new and there isn’t a great quantity of research on it yet. But in my opinion, if all parties honor the agreement, everyone will benefit.
We’re very excited to post this video. This video is meant for birthmothers that are considering Open Adoption and are in the process of finding the right adoptive family. This video is about where we come from and what we are all about. We hope you’ll enjoy our video and we wish you the best!
We can be reached any time by email pab@sweetciastko.com.
Please visit our website for additional information: www.sweetciastko.com
Duration : 0:2:51
Some friends have signed an agreement that the mother (both the mother & bf are early 20’s and not together) will be able to breast feed the baby one time before giving up the child. Then has visitation rights 4 times per year. I would think this is going to be traumatic all the way around. That is why I would like any experience to help me get off my worry about my friends.
Very heart warming input from all. I learned a ton and can now be very supportive without worry. Community will have to vote best answer. thks!!
Sylar, thx for sharing. I attended a seminar "Landmark Forum". A lady in the seminar completed her past as an adoptive child and by the end of the seminar was in contact with her bio father. Total transformation. fyi
In most states, open adoption agreements aren’t enforceable by law. Your friends need to know that. Open agreements are honor-based and not all APs honor them.
We have a fully open Adoption with our daughter’s natural mom and her family. We talk on the phone, e-mail, have a MySpace account and visit each other a few times each year.
It’s what my daughter has always known, so it’s not like the 800 lb. gorilla in the room. She doesn’t seem traumatized or confused by this. She’s ten now and she understands who her natural mother is and who her every day nagging mother is.
I don’t know how her natural mother feels deep down in her soul. (She’s shy and doesn’t talk about these things with me.) But I can tell you she beams when she sees her daughter, she posts loving messages on MySpace, and she and I get along great.
Open Adoption is still relatively new and there isn’t a great quantity of research on it yet. But in my opinion, if all parties honor the agreement, everyone will benefit.
Sawyer’s Family